Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize