Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
