the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
