Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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