I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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