Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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