Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
