Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
