Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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