just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
