You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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