Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize