I'm passing your future prison.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize