we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
