the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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