Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
