I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
