you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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