i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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