Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
