is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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