i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
