He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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