I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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