TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
