just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
