I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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