We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
