she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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