I just saw a hot homeless man
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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