I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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