Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drake has all the answers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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