I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
