Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
