I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
