Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize