Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize