I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
