Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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