well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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