dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
