hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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