The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize