He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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