I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
