i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
