wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
