Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
