I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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