he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
