She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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