I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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