you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
