I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
