All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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