Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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