Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
