Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
