I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
