She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
