Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
