I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
