omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
