before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
