Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
