I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
