maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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