First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
