you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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