Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
