Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The uberlube is also flammable
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
